she moves she

During a mini wine fest tonight my mind wandered towards a combination of words I’d seen earlier in the day: “Emotional healing.” About a year and some change ago I heard Ira Glass say “…we depended on each other for our emotional needs.” I’d never thought about emotional needs nor had I ever considered the existence of emotional needs. I learned through a bit of professional psycho analysis that the reason the idea had never entered into my paradigm was because I did not value my emotions. So, of course, I never recognized the fact that I needed anything emotionally. Though once that thought sunk in…my world began to shift shapes and my relationship with myself took on an entirely different meaning.

When I stumbled upon the words “emotional healing” today, another paradigm shift came into focus. Only, I’d already had the epiphany…I just didn’t remember it.

I was sitting in Grant Park in Chicago writing in my journal. My arm was healing from a break–the result of an unsuccessful attempt at crossing a street. Everyone had been incessantly asking me “how’s your arm?” I don’t know exactly what happened next or why these two thoughts crossed paths but I began to think about how a few months prior I’d broken my heart. Everyone was very concerned about my arm…but no one (even myself) was concerned about the broken heart. No one ever asked. I never asked. So I was surprised when I internally asked myself the question I’d never been asked before…”how’s your heart?” And only when I really stopped to think about it did I realize that it was in fact…still in a sling.

So. Emotional Healing. Isn’t it just as important as Physical Healing? We break a bone and we give it our undivided attention. Go to the emergency room. X-rays. Pain meds. Cast/Sling. Rest. Disuse. Weeks of physical therapy.

Yet when our emotions are significantly damaged when do nothing of the sort. We may give ourselves a few days of bed rest (Simon & Garfunkel, three gallons of red wine, eighteen hot baths) but then we get up and go like nothing ever happened. No emergency rooms. No x-rays. No pain meds, slings, rest, disuse or physical therapy. It’s as if our emotions are shameful. Recover as quick as you can. Seamlessly.

Really though, we are our emotions. Look at how we behaved when we were children. Do you remember how we were all so driven by our emotions? Falling down, Mama leaving, Brother stealing our favorite toy…these were passionate injustices and we cried till our faces were red and we needed new diapers!

We get older and we learn to control them but it doesn’t mean our emotions just go away. They are everpresent. We are emotional creatures. We live by these things even if we don’t know it.

So… I’m very glad for these broken things…because now, at least, I know something more.

Epilogue: Both breaks still ache when it’s about to rain.